Where????

Where is it?
I know it is my fault,
I search, franticaly trying to find it
Where?
Panic sets in, as I hear the roar above.
Where is it?
How could I do this again
I brought this pain upon my self
WHERE IS IT?????
It is gone,
It can not be found.
I am lost
WHERE!!!!!

I want to belive

He spoke such beautiful words
filled me with hope and dreams
promises to change our reality
I thought maybe,
just maybe it could be.
Actions were not taken
previous traits were kept
and just like before,
every day I wept

A trip into Ectasy

I took a trip across a line of truth and fantasy
It started out in fun and a stretch of reality
Promises where made, and lies where spun
Only to become treated as truths, and no way to be undone
The road became bumpy
Potholes of heartache filled the path
No matter the truth, the lies held fast
Lies now cloud a once clean past
The pain of knowing my truths will never be belived
to know forever more, he will think less of me.
The ache in my heart, the unforving regret
of saying the words, that he had wanted said

The Darker Side of Me

I truly do wonder some times, if I will ever be able separate the masks that I wear. I feel that I have to put on a different face for every aspect of my life, and I honestly do not know which one is my true self. I feel like an actress playing a role.

Every aspect of the day requires a different role, a different costume, a different self. Work, Home, Play. All different. I am never the same person for long. I feel that every one is expecting me to be something else for them. I can feel the drain of there needs taking my strength almost. It can be very tiring.

I try to start each day saying, today, I will be me! I will be who I am , and be true to my self. Some days this can last most of the day. But then there will be a catalyst that will require me to be someone else. Someone stronger then I want to be. Why do I have to be strong all the time? Why can't I be the one to hide under the blankets till the monsters are gone?